Lately, I find myself asking two questions. 1. Aside from being the best mom I can be to my children... What is my purpose? 2. When is ok to say "No"?
Ever since I was younger, I've been a helper/giver. To some extent I didn't have a choice, but now I'm to the point where I do. It all began with my great-grandmother (who raised me and my little cousins until she passed), then to my aunt who tried her best to take on that role after granny's passing. After a while, I moved to Minnesota to live with my mother, brother and sister. Lastly, I'm happily a help mate/partner to my husband. I won't go into detail, about those times, but just know that I was consistently tasked with duties well beyond my years at stages early on in my life. No complaints here, because no matter how hard things may have been, I'm a better person today because of it.
As I've gotten older, I realize that people basically define me as a helper/giver. Not in their words, but in their actions.
I'm aware that life requires assistance. No one moves through completely alone, no matter what people think. And I don't mind lending a helping hand every now and then. I've been blessed to have a foundation of love, hard work, patience & empathy. I also understand, with that comes a bit of responsibility. People gravitate towards me for help. No matter if it's monetary, "Lemmie hold sumthin". Emotional, "Gurl, let me tell you what he did!!". Physical, "I need a ride". Or requires my time, "Can you watch my kids?", just to name a few examples.
This brings me to question #1. My purpose. Because helping feels like second nature to me, and I almost have to talk myself out of it sometimes, is it what I'm supposed to do? Yes, I get tired. To be honest, I don't even want to answer my phone sometimes! But really. Is that what I'm here for? To help others? I know that we all should to a certain extent, but c'mon!! Y'all just don't know! I struggle with this daily. Well, maybe daily is an exaggeration, but for sure it's more than a few times a week. There's always something.
Now, don't get me wrong! Momma needs time to herself!! I also need time with friends, and family, but this different. Again. When is it ok to say no? Mostly when someone needs my time in the ways that I've described, it's an urgent matter. But, have I allowed this to happen so much that it's expected of me? Like, do people allow themselves to get caught up, or make plans with no regard because they know that I'll be there? That's enabling, right? Again, I struggle with this.
Then on the other hand, I love to feel needed. When my husband and kids need me, it's the best feeling in the world! Well, most of the time. When I'm in the bathroom and all I want to do is sit there and scroll through my phone, then I hear my name, or "MOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!" being yelled through the house, I cringe a little bit. But y'all know what I'm saying.
So this makes me wonder, do I help others because of my want to be needed? Placing blame can be easy sometimes. Way easier than looking inside and realizing that the fault lies within you. I've said it three times already. I struggle. #teambrokenrecord
I don't have the answers. I used this post as a way to ask some questions out loud so I didn't have to talk to myself and look like a crazy person. Thank you for reading, or just looking at the pictures. Either way, I know it was a lot & I appreciate cha! :)
Until next time...
Faux Leather Peplum Biker Jacket - SimplyBe
Crop Top - A store in "The Underground" in Atlanta (not sure of the name)
Dress (worn as a skirt) - H&M
Boots - Minnetonka Moccasin
Bag - Coach