About Me

My photo
Hi! I'm Shanticka. My blog is about any and everything that I want it to be. Me, my family, work, personal style, friends, etc. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy getting to know me. Live, in living color.


Musings of Me...

Hey peeps!! I'm all in my feelings this evening, so hang in there with me for this post. I'll try to get through this without putting all of my business in the streets :)

Lately, I find myself asking two questions. 1. Aside from being the best mom I can be to my children... What is my purpose? 2. When is ok to say "No"?

Ever since I was younger, I've been a helper/giver. To some extent I didn't have a choice, but now I'm to the point where I do. It all began with my great-grandmother (who raised me and my little cousins until she passed), then to my aunt who tried her best to take on that role after granny's passing. After a while, I moved to Minnesota to live with my mother, brother and sister. Lastly, I'm happily a help mate/partner to my husband. I won't go into detail, about those times, but just know that I was consistently tasked with duties well beyond my years at stages early on in my life. No complaints here, because no matter how hard things may have been, I'm a better person today because of it.

As I've gotten older, I realize that people basically define me as a helper/giver. Not in their words, but in their actions.

I'm aware that life requires assistance. No one moves through completely alone, no matter what people think. And I don't mind lending a helping hand every now and then. I've been blessed to have a foundation of love, hard work, patience & empathy. I also understand, with that comes a bit of responsibility. People gravitate towards me for help. No matter if it's monetary, "Lemmie hold sumthin". Emotional, "Gurl, let me tell you what he did!!". Physical, "I need a ride". Or requires my time, "Can you watch my kids?", just to name a few examples.

This brings me to question #1. My purpose. Because helping feels like second nature to me, and I almost have to talk myself out of it sometimes, is it what I'm supposed to do? Yes, I get tired. To be honest, I don't even want to answer my phone sometimes! But really. Is that what I'm here for? To help others? I know that we all should to a certain extent, but c'mon!! Y'all just don't know! I struggle with this daily. Well, maybe daily is an exaggeration, but for sure it's more than a few times a week. There's always something.

And if I am here to help others, when does that help become enabling? Question #2. When is ok to say "No"? Time is my most precious asset. The time that I spend with my husband and children is beyond measure. It's the one thing that I can't have back. Once time is spent, it's gone. When someone needs me to take them somewhere, pick them up, spend two hours on the phone, watch their children, etc., it takes me away from my peeps at home.

Now, don't get me wrong! Momma needs time to herself!! I also need time with friends, and family, but this different. Again. When is it ok to say no? Mostly when someone needs my time in the ways that I've described, it's an urgent matter. But, have I allowed this to happen so much that it's expected of me? Like, do people allow themselves to get caught up, or make plans with no regard because they know that I'll be there? That's enabling, right? Again, I struggle with this.

Then on the other hand, I love to feel needed. When my husband and kids need me, it's the best feeling in the world! Well, most of the time. When I'm in the bathroom and all I want to do is sit there and scroll through my phone, then I hear my name, or "MOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!" being yelled through the house, I cringe a little bit. But y'all know what I'm saying.

So this makes me wonder, do I help others because of my want to be needed? Placing blame can be easy sometimes. Way easier than looking inside and realizing that the fault lies within you. I've said it three times already. I struggle. #teambrokenrecord

I don't have the answers. I used this post as a way to ask some questions out loud so I didn't have to talk to myself and look like a crazy person. Thank you for reading, or just looking at the pictures. Either way, I know it was a lot & I appreciate cha! :)

Until next time...

Faux Leather Peplum Biker Jacket - SimplyBe
Crop Top - A store in "The Underground" in Atlanta (not sure of the name)
Dress (worn as a skirt) - H&M
Boots - Minnetonka Moccasin
Bag - Coach


  1. Ooh girl, where do I start! I guess I would say that it's definitely okay to say no, especially when it comes to your personal family time. People need to know and respect the fact that you have a life and your family is first.

    An easy way to do that is to say (if someone calls you) Hey girl, this is a bad time, can I call you back at 8:00? That way you're more prepared and no one gets neglected. I could go on, but I'll stop now lol.

  2. Hmmm....I think its okay to say no when that money you hand out will affect your bottom line, when that conversation or babysitting duty will lead to you changing your plans...no matter if its as simple as you planning to go home and sit on your butt for a couple of hours. I'm a helper, however, I come with a de-enabling plan, lol. If I am asked to lend money, I help them figure out a way to not let this happen again. If I'm asked for time, I let them know that I only have *blank* hours available and after that I have my home to take care of etc. I feel good when I help people or allow God to work through me. I know its a significant part of who I am, however, it does not define me. This allows me to not feel horrible when I have to say no and take care of myself. Love your look boo!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...